Relate Community Church
Relate Community Church
From This Day Forward: Five Commitments for a Fail-Proof Marriage
Our relationships need intentional commitments to thrive in a world where the divorce rate hovers at 50% both inside and outside the church.
• Five commitments to fail-proof your marriage: seek God, fight fair, have fun, stay pure, never give up
• Your spouse cannot fill your God-shaped hole - only God can satisfy that emptiness
• Healthy couples fight for resolution, not personal victory
• Establish ground rules for arguments: no name-calling, no raised voices, no historical references
• Schedule fun in your marriage through face-to-face time, side-by-side activities, and physical intimacy
• Create boundaries to protect your marriage: transparency with devices, accountability partners
• Difficult seasons don't mean your marriage is a mistake - refuel your love instead of giving up
• A happy marriage is a union of two good forgivers
• Love covers a multitude of sins - be the one who forgives and shows grace
If you're feeling distant from God or your spouse, return to the basics. Spend time together, share your life, and make the commitments that will strengthen your relationship for the long haul.
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Right, everybody, I'm glad you made it today. Look at your neighbor and say, hey, you can relax, you're here. I am so thrilled that we get to do life together, we get to do church together, we get to worship the Lord together this morning, I believe. I know we have a podcast going. I know that the live stream is on. So I wanna say to everybody who's listening watching we are so thrilled that we get to spend this time together for just a few minutes and dig into the Word of God and celebrate all that he is. Amen, because I certainly don't want to celebrate all that I am or we are, even though I love you guys. We're celebrating who he is, and today we get to finish a series on next level love. So I hope you came ready, prepared to go to the next level. That's the point of this series is that, no matter where you are, we all need to strive and reach for that next place that God has for us to grow into with next level love and I'm going to dive right in because it looks like I have just enough time to give you the best of this series.
Speaker 1:Today we're talking about something and I'm praying that my voice lasts. I've been trying not to talk all week long so that my voice would just come back, and I'm not going to hold back. I just hope that if it cracks, just don't laugh too loud. You'll just cheer me on and I'll keep going and then, by the end of the message, if I have a little bit left, that's all I need. So today we are talking about a subject, even though we've talked about all kinds of relationships, we're going to dive into a little bit deeper today. So tell your neighbor, get ready. Awesome, so we'll start with. The Bible can help us and we can grow in love in a few different areas that maybe you wouldn't expect. So I'm going to start this message with some biblical or Christian pickup lines for those of you who are not married yet and you're looking to try and just seal the deal get that date or get that conversation or get that phone number. Try and just seal the deal, get that date or get that conversation or get that phone number. This should be some help for you.
Speaker 1:Here's the first one. How many times do I need to walk around you for you to fall for me? If you didn't catch it, that's a Jericho line. Come on, y'all need to read your Bible a little bit more. All right, here we go. How about this one? Some of y'all can use this TBI students. I put the stud in Bible study. It'll work, I promise. How about this? I heard that God called you. Can I do the same? I just need your phone number. And the last one is this this is my favorite one Do you need prayer? Because I'd like to lay hands on you. Actually, all of them were pretty good, but that one might get you in trouble.
Speaker 1:So we're going to dive in, like I said, to a different level today and talk about something that we really only talk about once or twice a year to focus on this area. But it's an area I believe is crucial. It's so important for the body of Christ, it's important for our society, for culture. Week one we talked about no one can satisfy you like Jesus, and putting our focus on Him instead of that other person or the other people in our lives is important that we put our focus on Him. The second week I gave you seven poisons, things that poison our relationships, and how we need to get those things out of our relationship and how God wants to lead us. Number three last week, week number three Pastor Susan talked about, gave us don't fire them. Fire them up Instead of kicking people out of our relationship, friends, family, coworkers. We need to fire them up and build people up instead of breaking them down.
Speaker 1:Today we're going to be talking about marriage. In this context, the title of your message is this From this Day Forward, and I'm going to give you five commitments to fail-proof your marriage. Today this message is it comes from a book that's written by Pastor Craig Rochelle, and he wrote that book called From this Day, five Commitments. If you are looking for a Bible study, there's also a Bible study for this series that you can go through workbook with your husband, with your wife, with your fiance, with girlfriend, boyfriend. If you're leaning towards marriage, if you want your marriage to last, this is something that I would suggest that you could spend a few weeks going through.
Speaker 1:And here's the thing I believe that, whether you are married, whether you are single, whether you are engaged, whether you have friendships and intimate relationships that are not physically intimate, but people that you desperately care about, there are commitments that we don't do very good at. In fact, I think in our society, I think that we've gotten very bad at commitments, to the point where most commitments that we really value we have to have signed contracts. The Bible says that our word should be our word, that yes should mean yes and no should mean no. But that is not the truth, or the reality of our world is that we don't trust anybody. We often don't even trust ourselves, that we can't make a commitment because I can't trust myself to follow through. So I'll say everything that is I'm going to do my best, pastor, I'm going to do my best to show up. I'll be there for you, whether it's a friend, a family, co-worker, boss, we will do our best. But then we also know ourselves. There is so much room for us to grow here.
Speaker 1:The divorce rate in the church this is one of those things. That's like we have beat this horse to death and then we keep going just saying the same things. That the divorce rate is 50% in the church and outside the church. We say all these things but we're not doing anything to change it. So I hope today to be emphatic with you. I hope today to give you a little bit of intensity, to the point where we have to do something different if we expect different results.
Speaker 1:I think in any other situation in life we would not count on 50%. If I said if you leave your house today, you're going to die, there's a 50% chance of you dying if you leave your house today, you wouldn't leave. If I said, if you go to work today, you're likely to lose 50% of your money, your 50% failure rate we would back up and say whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, let's change the situation, let's put some things in place so that we don't fail. We wouldn't just say, ah well, we'll see what happens. I'll take my chances, cross my fingers and see what happens when we get there. If we come to trouble, then we'll figure it out.
Speaker 1:We trust ourselves to overcome trouble when we get there, but we're not putting things in place and making the kinds of commitments. In fact, it's funny that to put someone on the road to drive, we put them through classes, we put them through tests to make sure that you need to show us that you can do this. But to get married, what does it take? $74 and a marriage license and you're done. If we even go that far, sometimes we just say, hey, let's just live together, see how it goes, and then we'll just, you know, anything comes up, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it and, hey, we'll hope for the best. That's not what we were designed for. We weren't designed to cross our fingers and hope for the best. We were designed to make commitments and let our yes be yes and no mean no and stand before God with the relationships that are valuable to us.
Speaker 1:Marriage can't be defined by us. So today, as we launch into this final of four messages on love, I'm not going to define marriage. We're going to let God do that, because he created it. He's the only one that can define it. So Matthew 19, verse 4, we're going to look at a quick definition that Jesus gives us. Haven't you read? He replied that at the beginning, the creator made them male and female. We could stop right there and said for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. A lot of people say well, jesus never talked about marriage. Jesus didn't say anything about adultery or this or that. But listen, it's very clear when you read the New Testament what God expects when you get honest with yourself. So they're no longer two, but one flesh.
Speaker 1:This is that image when you're watching a marriage ceremony and then they take the two candles that are individuals and then they bring them together and then they blow out the individual candles. I've seen them do that in marriage ceremonies and then one of them goes to blow it out and then they blow out the main candle. Then they have to get someone to relight everything. Sometimes that feels more like what marriage is that the candle gets blown out. Let's light all the candles again. Marriage is that the candle gets blown out. Let's light all the candles again.
Speaker 1:But it should be in us to protect what God designed, and God's design is that the two become one, and then we should be guarding that flame with everything in us. But we have an enemy that's on a mission to separate your marriage. As much as you have a God that is for you, you have an enemy that is against you. The world is against you. The world is not just against your marriage. The enemy is not just against your marriage but against marriage in general. To attack the very nature of this union, to say, oh, marriage is nothing. We don't need a piece of paper to tell us who we are, we don't need anybody to stand in front of us to tell us listen. That's not the point. I'll give you the abbreviated one-sentence version of what we just read in Matthew, chapter 19.
Speaker 1:Marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman before God for life. That's what marriage should be, and sometimes I often tell. When I'm marrying a couple, I would often tell them they want to look at me to make sure they're saying the vows properly, and I'll tell them don't look at me, look at her, don't look at me, look at him. Like let's pay attention to what we do. This is not just like going through the motions repeating these words, like there's a meaning behind it and the vow that we make before God and before man is not just we're not just vowing to this person. Angela, I promise to have you, to hold you through sickness and in health and all these things and all my worldly goods. I'm not just vowing to you, I'm promising to you, I'm vowing to God those things. And so if I break that vow, I'm not just breaking. Oh, I made a promise, I did the best I could to you, but it just didn't work out. How can I tell that to God? God, I promised you, I vowed that my life belonged to you and this person. So your marriage will only be as strong as your commitments and as your vows.
Speaker 1:And why is it that in our society, vows we almost don't say the word vows except for in marriage. And even then, what does it mean? I want to write my own vows, and then we write some funny things and we write some things that hopefully are heartfelt and personal, but are they true to God? So we have to focus on these commitments. I'm going to give you five commitments that we have to work on, and these commitments are valuable and they work in marriage, outside of marriage, whether your most important relationships are someone that you're in marriage or if they're just a dear friend or a family member. Number one here we go. I'm going to dive right in Seek God, seek God. We spent a lot of time on this in week number one, and Joel's going to help me here in a second by bringing me a prop as a couple. As a couple, we are going to decide to be focused and committed to God. We are going to pursue God together. So Angela and I made that commitment very early on that I'm pursuing God before I ever met you, when I met her, then we're pursuing God together and in marriage. Our marriage is about pursuing God together.
Speaker 1:Billy Graham is famous for a lot of things, but also for having he kind of coined the term that you have a God-shaped hole in your life, that there's something missing in you and only God can fill it. Another person, like we're all looking for, that. I'm looking for my person, I'm looking for my one, I'm looking for the person that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and that becomes the pursuit of life. And here's the problem If that empty part of you, if that broken, missing part of you is not filled, you'll try to fill it with a person, and it can't be filled with a person. So I brought this chair.
Speaker 1:This chair was given to me this week, actually last week and I thought this is perfect Because something's wrong with this chair. And I thought this is perfect because something's wrong with this chair and I thought maybe we could fix this chair, maybe we could make it better. What could I do with this chair? Because I don't want to just throw it in the garbage. But it's garbage. Unless I can repair it and make it whole, it's useless.
Speaker 1:And yet somehow there are things in life, like marriage or relationships, where I have that missing part of me, where I think well, it's not that bad, I could still use it If I put this at my kitchen table. I could still use it, as long as I don't sit on this side, as long as I sit on it just right and lean back, and as long as nobody comes along and pushes me or I have to lean one way or I have to reach across the table. As long as certain circumstances don't happen, I'll be just fine. But this missing piece inside of me, until I acknowledge that it's missing and there's only one way to fix it, it'll never be right. And the problem is now she has something missing and I have something missing, and we come together thinking that we'll each fix each other's missing piece. A year goes by, two years, five years, ten years, and all of a sudden we finally realize you're not fixing the piece of me, I'm done with you. We start thinking and now I start resenting you. You promised me things, and now I start resenting you. You promised me things and I start holding it against her when it was never hers to fill in the first place. That's why seeking God has to be the very first part. You'll never find what's missing in another person.
Speaker 1:Jesus was asked this question what's the most important thing in life? That's my paraphrase, and we could ask the same thing in a modern day scenario what's the most important thing in marriage? What's the most important thing? We could say? Well, it's to love your spouse unconditionally, no matter what they do. If you have an unconditional love, then you'll be whole. But wait a second. Maybe it's kids, maybe it's you've got to have kids, you've got to have enough money, you've got to be stable. We could say, oh, what's the most important thing? But Jesus nailed it when he said this. When they asked him the question, jesus replied love the Lord, your God, with all of your heart, with all of your soul and with all of your mind. The question hasn't changed and the answer hasn't changed.
Speaker 1:In marriage, outside of marriage, the most important thing is what? It's Him, it's pursuing that relationship, because nothing else will satisfy you until you do. This is the first and greatest commandment, and the second is, like it Love your neighbor as yourself. So how can we? Just to make this very, very simple whether you're married or not, god is my one, god is the one. He's my one, she's not my one. The church is not my one. The job is not my one. The kids are not my one. He's my one. She's not my one. The church is not my one. The job is not my one. The kids are not my one. God is my one and your spouse is your two, this person that I love, this person that I can't live without. The best version of us is when she is my two and he is my one. Your kids are not your two, and sometimes it's tough to tell kids, but kids need to know that God comes first, my wife comes next. I told my kids a long time ago you guys are not the most important thing to me. God is. And just below that is Angela and way below that is you. And people wonder why, when their kids grow up and move out of the house, why can't we get along? Because they were way under the kids or they were way down somewhere else and I put my job first or I put money first.
Speaker 1:So here's another way to say it Singles Seek the one while I prepare for the two. I'm going to seek the one and pursue the one while I'm preparing for what God has for me, whatever he's going to bring into my life. He brought Eve to Adam. Adam wasn't seeking Eve Married couples. Here's what we can say. We're going to seek the one with my two, because too often the pursuit becomes that I'm pursuing God. He brought me my two. Now the two of us are going to pursue life, liberty and happiness. Hold on, wait a second. That wasn't the order, that wasn't the design. So we have to continue to reset ourselves to he's my one, she's my two, and the two of us are going to pursue him. How do we pursue him? I'll give you some really practical things, and this is something that you could say check, already done it.
Speaker 1:But I can tell you, because I've seen it and I know you, that we overlook this Pray together. This is a cliche that has been around forever. The couple that prays together stays together. Well, pastor, I just don't. It just makes me uncomfortable praying out loud. We just pray on our own. Well, wait a second.
Speaker 1:Husbands, we're supposed to be the head of our households and stand up and lead and be the spiritual leaders that God put in our homes. But I can't pray out loud, I can't lead my wife in prayer. Well, it's just awkward. It's so weird. Pastor, can I be your pastor? If I'm your pastor, I need you to hear me say this. I'm going to say it as lovingly and as gently as I can say it it's weird, but get over it.
Speaker 1:We have to pray together and if I'm the spiritual leader of my household, I need to pray and lead my family, whether that's sitting down to pray at a meal, whether that's starting the day and saying, all right, guys, come on, I'm going to pray for us. It does not have to be a 35-minute prayer, you know that's recorded for all time. It could be a 30-second prayer where you just say God, I don't even have the words, but I'm asking you to take care of my family today. Protect us, lead us, guide us, direct us, we're following you in Jesus' name. Like.
Speaker 1:It doesn't take a complicated, sophisticated prayer. What it takes is a genuine, heartfelt conversation with God about your family and about your marriage. And can I say that it's very difficult to argue with someone and hate someone and fight with someone that you're praying with and that you're going to God. I'm not saying listen. I feel like I just need to say I just realized that it's very easy for us to pray. God, I wish you would fix this woman. God, these kids are so rebellious. That's not the prayer I'm talking about. These kids are so rebellious. That's not the prayer I'm talking about. You may need to pray those prayers in private, or pray however you want to pray, but if you're leading and directing your family, it's not that hard. It's very simple actually. I'm not going to say it's easy, but it is simple. So praying together, reading together, that's even easier than praying together.
Speaker 1:Hey guys, I thought we should read a chapter today. We're going to read the first chapter of Psalms together To start the week, to start the day. Monday morning before work, school, everybody gets dropped off. Let's just read a chapter together and, if you're really feeling like going to the next level, have everybody read it and then talk about it for five minutes. What does that mean to you? Oh, dad, that's too deep. It's not too deep because the Word is what leads us. If God's Word is a lamp unto our feet and we want it to lead us, then we have to have it in us and it's not just a Sunday morning thing Spending too much time here. We've got to move, creating spiritual traditions together, where it's going to church together or praying together or reading the Bible together.
Speaker 1:I love hearing about how different times of the year, you read different passages, or you're going through your soap studies together or you're reading a Bible study together. James 5, verse 16 says therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you what you may be healed. You want healing in your marriage, you want healing in your relationship, you want healthy direction, spiritual health in your relationship and in your home. We should be praying together. And that word sins it literally means where we fall short. So if I'm confessing where I fall short, I'm not giving you the deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings and all the things I've ever done in my life. I'm telling you that, hey, I'm not very good at this, guys, but we're going to do this. That's me saying I might not pray very well, but we're going to do this. I might not be comfortable with this, but we're going this way towards what God has for us as a family. So that's number one, and I spent more time on number one than all the others, but I'm going to give you four more. Number two is to fight fair. Somebody said amen, please fight fair. Don't look at them.
Speaker 1:Dr John Gottman said this that he could observe a couple arguing for five minutes and predict, with a 91% success rate, their divorce Just by watching how they fight, just by watching how they talk to each other. Because it's not if they fight, it's how they fight. We're going to fight. We've had Angela and I have had people tell us, when we're praying with them or talking with them about their marriage, that people have told us well, pastor, we're not like you, we fight, we get angry. I'm like we all fight, we all get angry. It might surprise you that we definitely fight. Healthy couples fight for resolution. Though Unhealthy couples fight for resolution. Though Unhealthy couples fight for personal victory, it becomes a personal vendetta that you're attacking me. I'm going to defend myself. Angela and I fight over stupid things and I'll be transparent with you. Years ago, when we've been married now for 25 years, we've been married now for 25 years. Praise God that we've made it that long.
Speaker 1:But when we first got married and she is an excellent cook, but there was a time when she was cooking and preparing I said, what are we having for dinner tonight? She said, oh, we're having chili. And I said great, we love chili, I love chili. And so she starts spreading everything out, preparing everything, and I start realizing, wait, this doesn't look right. I everything out, preparing everything, and I start realizing wait, this doesn't look right. I'm like watching from the sidelines saying I think I might need to go in there and help her because this is not looking like chili. And then I realized, hey, what is this? Oh, it's turkey. I said hold on a second, I'm getting really concerned here, because this is not looking like chili. And then I started realizing she's trying to make it healthy but doesn't work. Then I realized not only is she putting turkey in there, but there's beans Gentry, you were with me for a second. And then and corn. I said chili does not have beans and corn in it. This is not chili.
Speaker 1:She was offended, she was so hurt that I did not want to eat her chili. I said I'll eat this, but it's not chili. This is like turkey soup or something I don't know. This is like turkey soup or something I don't know. If you are, if you know, you know that real Texas chili does not have beans in it. If you want to put beans in it, then it might be delicious, but it's not chili, it's stew or I don't know, it's something else. So she was yielding, she yielded and she made it with beef. Thank you. She put beef in the chili and then it was delicious, it was perfect. I said this is perfect chili and she said oh, you're welcome, I just blended up all the other things. She deceived me and I'm still holding on to it. It was a lie.
Speaker 1:Romans, chapter 12, verse 21 says do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. When we're fighting, we shouldn't reach a certain point where, hey, you crossed the line. Now all bets are off and I can just cross any line that I want and push any button that I want. I'm going to say anything that I want, I'm going to cut you down because you cut me down, you hurt me, so now I'm going to hurt you. There should be some ground rules and we should learn how to fight fair, because I should treat her like God would treat her and even if she crosses the line, that doesn't mean that I should follow her across the line, and I shouldn't stand back across the line and be self-righteous and say, well, I'm not going to bow to your level, like we try to fight and we try to regain control, because it's more about me winning and me being affirmed in my position than it is about restoring the relationship and restoring peace in our marriage. So I'll give you some of the ground rules that we use and you have to decide what ground rules you'll settle with. But I'm not saying these are easy. They are hard, but they are worth it every bit.
Speaker 1:Number one never call names Like you are so stupid, you are ridiculous, you arehow terrible, is it? Well, it just makes me feel better whenever I say get whatever's off my chest. Well, hold on a second. Is this about making you feel better or about bringing peace into your marriage and making your marriage stronger? Number two never raise your voice. Well, that's just how we are, that's how I am, that's how we were raised. Can we be better than when we were raised? Can we be better than who we are now? Let's reach for something that's more than us. Well, I don't think I can do that. Listen, god can. Love covers a multitude of sin. Number three never get historical, not hysterical. Never get historical and say well, you always do this.
Speaker 1:Remember, back in 1989, I told you you were going to do this. I knew you wouldn't be able to keep your mouth closed. I feel like calling the prayer team up and getting. Calling the prayer team up and getting Never. Say never or always. Don't make this an end-all conversation that everything depends on this situation. It doesn't. You're making it bigger than it has to be. Never threaten divorce For us.
Speaker 1:We don't say the word divorce In the context of an argument. It's not an option and we don't even allude to it. Well, I don't say the word divorce In the context of an argument. It's not an option and we don't even allude to it. Well, I don't know if I can do this anymore. Well, hold on a second. You have to do this because this was your vow. There is no other option. And when you have no other options, you find a way through.
Speaker 1:Listen, I have learned one thing in 25 years of pastoring you will do what you want to do, what you've committed to do. Whatever you decide in your heart that this is what I want to happen, you'll figure out a way for it to happen. If I invite you to dinner and I hear you say hey, we're going to try to be there. I just got to check my schedule and we're going to do everything we can to be there. There's a pretty good chance you're not going to be there Because we don't know. But when we want to be there, like listen, if I invite you to dinner, say whatever you want to say, because we'll figure it out. But on the other hand, if I decide that, hey, I'm going to be there on that night, if I decide that I'm going to make this appointment, there's nothing you could do to stop me. That's true in our marriage as well.
Speaker 1:The final point is this, and this one's real serious Never quote your pastor during a fight. Well, you heard what pastor said on Sunday. That's all I'm saying, because we're just trying to get into a higher position. Number three this one's big Number three have fun. Number three is have fun.
Speaker 1:Some of you all married, unmarried you'll need to start having some fun, because we can go all week long and not have any fun. And then you wonder why you're struggling and if remember when you were dating, how fun it was and you thought, man, we just need to do this for the rest of our lives. And then you got married, then you had kids, then you had serious jobs, you had to pay bills, you got a schedule and a routine going and there's nothing that's fun happening. You might need to schedule some fun. Well, pastor, I like my fun to just be organic. I just like it to happen. We don't like to be scheduled. Well, how's that working for you? Have a date night? Have a time where you're going to? Hey, we're going to. It's going to be. We've got 15 minutes right here. This is where we're going to have fun. That doesn't seem very fun, but once you determine to do it, it will seem fun. So, without fun and romance and sex, marriage is reduced to a business relationship. Oh, we got to pay the bills, we got to take care of the kids, got to get the kids here and there, and then you're just Uber.
Speaker 1:Ecclesiastes 9 and 9 says enjoy life with your wife, that's enough, right there. Then he goes to relay it. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love. All the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun, all your meaningless days that's what it feels like without some fun in your life. What does fun look like? Really quickly, number one face-to-face Dating, talking, spending till 2. Am just having a conversation, just talking through life.
Speaker 1:Let's discuss the things that happened. Tell me about how you feel it's also side-to-side. Let's do stuff together. Let's go hiking, let's go camping. Let's go to the movie. Let's go side. Let's go camping, let's go to the movie. Let's go side by side. Let's go through life and plan some activities. Angela has figured out recently that I know she does not like golf, she hates golf, but she's recently figured out that she gets to spend four hours with me If she goes to play golf with me, she just gets to ride the golf cart all day, so she's the driver I get and she drives me to the ball.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes Figuring out how are we going to be side by side and finally face to face, side to side and maybe most importantly, belly button to belly button. You don't have to say much about that, but I'll just tell you those things also may not happen just organic, like we have to feel it. No, you don't. You have to plan it, set a date and a time, and I'm just hopefully going to speak to the ladies in the room. Ladies, wives, you are this man's only way to biblical physical fulfillment. There are other ways he can be fulfilled, but they're not biblical. If you want to keep your marriage strong. You guys have to unite physically. Number four, number four we're going to stay pure, stay pure. Everybody say stay pure, stay pure. Everybody say stay pure, stay pure.
Speaker 1:I feel like this is one of those things that we don't talk about much and when we get married then we can stop. Well, we made it, we're married, we saved ourselves, we're married and now all right, now we can do whatever we want. Wait a second. Purity in our marriage should be talked about almost more than anything else. Let me see hands in the room. If you're married Great, lots of married people. Hands in the room. If you're single or not married Good, good, good, very good. I'd say it's about 50-50.
Speaker 1:What about this? Raise your hand if it is your. You ever woke up and it was your goal to ruin your marriage with adultery? Nope, no hands. How about this? Raise your hand if it was ever your goal to become addicted to pornography? No hands, not surprising. How about this? Raise your hand if it's your goal to be engaged in an emotional affair? No hands, not surprising. And yet, while there were no hands, statistically speaking, the reality is that 75% of us are caught in those things. Statistically speaking, the reality is that 75% of us are caught in those things. Statistically speaking, maybe only 50% of marriages end in divorce, but 75% of us 25% more are caught in those things Pornography, addiction, emotional affairs, other types of sexual immorality that bring impurity into our marriage, because no one plans to destroy their marriage, no one plans to mess up the purity in their marriage.
Speaker 1:One of the greatest attacks that the enemy has on your marriage is sexual immorality. It's still the number one cause of divorce. It's still the number one thing that attacks you. You're not planning to, but you're also not planning to not do this thing. You're not strategizing on how to remain pure in your marriage. Hebrews, chapter 13,. Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. This is serious stuff. You think, well, god doesn't care what we do. Everything's all right in marriage. Wait a second. It's not. God cares about your marriage and the purity of your marriage bed.
Speaker 1:This is also something just as an aside for parents in the room. This is something that you should be talking to kids about, like. I think that it has to be done to the degree that you think and you decide, whatever age. There is a book that can help, and I not only have. Angela and I have had the talk with our kids when they were young, I think eight or nine years old. We had the talk with them separately as when they reached that age. But not only that, but when I was a youth pastor, I can't tell you how many times parents came to me and said I just don't know how to have this conversation. Can you have it with them? And I said well, I'd love to talk you through having that conversation. But I relented and have had the conversations with many teenagers or young, eight or nine years old, maybe Sometimes ten years, depends on the maturity of your own kid. There's a book called the Talk. I didn't say that so that you can ask me to have the talk with your kids. You're having the talk with your kids. You are having the talk with your kids.
Speaker 1:This book is Seven Lessons to Introduce your Child to Biblical Sexuality. Here's the deal If you don't tell them, someone else will. They're going to learn and the first person who tells them is the one that defines it in their life. If they're learning it on the Internet, that's dangerous. If they're learning it from friends at school, that's dangerous. They need to learn what biblical purity looks like so that they can prepare for their marriage one day. They can prepare for the rest of their lives.
Speaker 1:The first command that God gave Adam and Eve do you know what it is? The first command was go have sex. It doesn't sound like that. He said be fruitful and multiply. But what's he actually saying? And in that context, married things are reserved for married people. And if you are married-ish, can I say you need to remove the ish and go ahead and get all the way. Married. Healthy boundaries don't stifle a marriage. They safeguard a marriage.
Speaker 1:Guardrails and rules put into place do not make you weaker. Well, I just want to be able to do whatever I want, and then the more free I am, the more strong I am. No hold on a second. That's not true for anything. So what are the boundaries? You have to decide that for you, but I'll give you a few examples, things that we use.
Speaker 1:Number one never be alone in private with a person of the opposite sex. That's not just a ministry rule. Billy Graham is famous for creating minister's rules, of which that is one that he would never be alone in a room with the opposite sex. So we also have that room. I don't get in a car with a female alone. I don't get in a room with a female alone or in a building If I'm alone in this building, even though there are cameras all over this building. If I'm here by myself and one of you guys shows up as a female, I don't care how old or how young, it doesn't matter, I'm leaving and I'm not going to say hey, I'll see you later. You just turn around. I'm not there. You later, you just turn around, I'm not there.
Speaker 1:Billy Graham said that if he was in an elevator alone and a woman stepped in, he would step out. Well, then you just got to wait, push the button again and wait till it comes. Of course it's inconvenient. There are inconveniences those guardrails create. But what's more important, the inconvenience or the health of your marriage? What's more important, the inconvenience or the health of your marriage, that's not to say that in that situation you would mess up Because we think that if we relent to that rule, then we're saying that, oh, that would put me in danger. Well, I wouldn't be in any danger. I don't suspect that every time I'm in a room alone with a female, then there's a chance that adultery is going to happen. That's crazy, but I'm not going to allow even an inch of space for the devil to work.
Speaker 1:My internet and phone transparency, any kind of electronic devices. Angela has access every password that not only does she have every password that I have to every device and every app and everything. It's not a part of my phone or a part of my computer that she can't get into. She has a document that has all of the phones and if I change the password on the document, she sees it. Why? Why? Because there are not. Because I'm out every day trying to figure out how to ruin my marriage or get into an adulterous situation or a sexually immoral situation. No, it's because literally there are people, companies, corporations spending billions of dollars to try and tempt you. I was stronger than that, pastor. No, no, you're not. You're not stronger than that. That's why we need accountability.
Speaker 1:And the third one is accountability partners, people in your life that you trust enough to share everything with. And finally, number five, the fifth commitment and doubling down on the vows that we make and committing Some of you need to go home today with these notes and talk to your wife. Talk to your husband and say, look, we're doing really good at this one number one and number two and number three. We need to do better at this one. We need to do better at number one. We need to do better at number four. We need to discuss what our commitments and our vows mean. Number five is this never give up. Like I said, divorce is not an option. This is not something that is an option for either of us.
Speaker 1:You're going to come to obstacles. The opposites attract. You've heard that opposites attract. I think sometimes it's more like opposites attack Because the parts of you that you love so much about them when you meet them, after a little while, those things start to get on your nerves a little bit. We have all of our people who love to be on time to everything when are you at Amen? And then we have the other ones who are just like hey, we're just going to feel it out. We're the creative, we just want to see what happens. We see something we drive by we might pull over. After a little while, that starts to get on your nerves. You're like I want to be on time.
Speaker 1:Those of us who like to plan Angela is a planner, she likes to have a schedule. And if she asks, hey, what's the schedule for today? I will tell her I'm not giving you a schedule because then we won't be able to deviate from that schedule. We got our spenders and our savers. There's parts of us that are different. Those are the things that we come head to head with and then we end up saying things like well, it wasn't meant. If it was meant to be, it wouldn't be this hard. If we were supposed to be together, then I wouldn't be so upset with you right now. That's not true. Marriage is hard, commitments are hard, vows are hard to keep. Otherwise why would we make them? Why would we need to make a vow or a commitment if it wasn't hard to keep it? We have to never give up. I'm in this babe. You can't get rid of me. In fact, I'm okay if she leaves me because I'm going with her. She can't get rid of me.
Speaker 1:Having said all that, I'll say this there are two grounds for biblical divorce, and that is abuse. If you're in an abusive situation I'm not saying you should stay in that abusive situation God makes an allowance for you to be able to step out and for you to be able to get to a place where you're free and healthy. You should not be locked and broken and enslaved by an abuser. Having said that, I'll also say that, even in an abusive situation, I've seen God do a miracle in a way where not only is the marriage saved and restored and the abuse is stopped, but he can take you to new levels and take you to a new place where you're better than you ever were. So there's never hope lost, but don't stay in a situation where you need to get out of. The other situation is a situation of adultery. Again, you may have grounds for divorce, you may have grounds for separation, but even in grounds for separation, I believe that God can do a miracle. I believe that God can bring us through and make us more healthy and restore and revive and resurrect everything that looks broken and lost. But outside of those two things, I think that we should still be working toward and seeking and pursuing and reaching for the definition of love and the definition of marriage that God has for us.
Speaker 1:And the last thing I'll say is this well, we just ran out of love for each other. If that's you and you're feeling like there's just no love left between us, there's nothing left for us to restore. I don't like this person. That would be like saying my car ran out of gas so I'm going to throw it away. My car ran out of gas, so I'm going to throw it away. If you're running out of love, refill it. Refuel the love. Go put some logs on the fire. Go kindle up the love that you had at the beginning. Go, do the first things. The same thing, I would say if you feel like you're distant from God, you feel like things are. I've never felt this way, I've never felt further from God. It's the same thing. Do those first things. Get back to the point where you're just doing the basic spending time with them, sharing life with them, spending time with God, because marriage will be as good as you decide that it will be.
Speaker 1:Ruth Bale Graham said this that a happy marriage is a union of two good forgivers. That's what we should be. You cross the line, I don't cross the line. You punch low, I punch low. No, I should cover you with a love that covers a multitude of sin. The final verse that I'll give you, and then we're gonna pray, is 1 Peter 4, 8. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sin. That's the kind of love that we have to strive for in marriage, outside of marriage, love that covers a multitude of sins. Would you stand up on your feet and I'm going to pray for you?
Speaker 1:Let's pray Lord, we just thank you for the work that you're doing in our marriages, god, that you're making us the work that you're doing in our marriages, god, that you're making us stronger than we've ever been in this church, in our community. That you're giving us love for people like we've never had before. That you're making love from husbands and wives, that you're giving us a love that will cover a multitude of sins. That we overlook the problems, that we overlook the insecurities and the inconsistencies and the things that irritate us. God, help us to love the way you love. Help us to see them the way you see them as your child. Help us to walk in a way that's forgiving and full of mercy and full of grace, and full of grace. Let husbands lead as the head of the household. Let us lead our families. Let us lead our children with prayer and Bible study, spiritual things. In Jesus' name, every struggle, every situation, god, where we are falling short, where we are walking in sin, where we are making mistakes, we ask you to forgive us and help us to walk the other direction and walk towards purity, walk towards healthiness. In Jesus' name, amen. Before we leave, I want to give every person an opportunity.
Speaker 1:If you have, maybe you have been that person that's drifted away from God. You feel like there's. You don't feel the love between you and God. You're not feeling the closeness of God. Maybe you never have. Maybe this is the day where you step into a position and make a commitment that brings you near to God.
Speaker 1:The Bible says that when you draw near to God, he draws near to you. Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. It takes an act of faith where you step out and then he's right there. It's like the prodigal son. Jesus tells the story of the son when he decides to go home, the father sees him far off and goes to meet him. Of the son when he decides to go home, the father sees him far off and goes to meet him. When you decide to return to your father, he comes to meet you there with arms open wide and takes you in and says I'm going to give you everything that I want you to have, not that you deserve, not that you've earned, but he gives us all that he has for us.
Speaker 1:So would you bow your head and close your eyes right where you are, and I'd like to invite every person to say this prayer with me and let's make a commitment to God to give him our lives. Would you say these words, dear Heavenly Father today I give you my life, take me, mold me and shape me, and I'll follow you with all that is in me. You with all that is in me, forgive me of my sin and take my life and make me new. In Jesus' name, amen, amen. Can you put your hands together for everybody who said that prayer for the first time? Amen, amen. We are a little bit over time today, and so here's what we'll do. I'm going to invite the prayer team to join me up here at the front. If you would like to pray with someone as we are dismissing, you can come forward and pray. We're going to stick around and worship for just a minute, otherwise, I love you. God bless you. Have a blessed week.
Speaker 2:High high Hearts burning my lack of fire. Fine Voices in my head, loud, loud, never gonna stop singing, ooh, never gonna stop. High, high Hearts, burning bright like the fire. Fire Voices in my making, loud, loud. Never gonna stop singing. Ooh, never gonna stop singing. Ooh, never gonna stop singing. We are so thankful that you decided to visit us today. We hope that you really have an amazing, blessed week. Every try, every talk, every heart will sing, every knee. We will bow to the risen King. Lift Him up, lift Him up. Never gonna stop singing will sing every time, every time. Every heart will sing, every knee. We will bow to the risen King. Lift Him up, lift Him up. Never gonna stop singing, never gonna stop. High high Horse burning bright like the fire, fire voice is good, I'm singing, loud, loud, never gonna stop singing, never gonna stop singing. Ooh, never gonna stop. High high Hearts burning bright like a fire. Five voices tonight Making it louder, louder. Never gonna stop singing. Ooh, never gonna stop singing. We'll be right back. Thank you, we'll see you next time.